Wednesday, August 24, 2016

Should you get Married before your 20? Will it last?

Hello all you fabulous people.... Marriage is all around us. Everytime I turn around someone is getting engaged or married and that is wonderful. Being in love is fabulous and makes us happy. Everyone wants to be loved and to find that one person who loves them unconditionally. 

However what happens when you get in rush to find that perfect person? You end up with a dud!!! No one wants a dud unless it's a milk dud LOL. hahahaha yes I crack myself up.... 

Anyway the question on my mind lately is.......
Should you get married before you even in your 20's? If you do will it last?

Well here is my thought on this..... Marriage is hard and finding that perfect person who completes you is hard. Even if you find that perfect person for you there will be times that you don't get along. Life is not perfect so make it as perfect as you can. 

We will start with my own personal experience. I got married when I was 18. I met a boy and fell in love and I thought that was it. Seems pretty simple. It was not so simple... We didn't have anything. We had dead end jobs and an apartment we shared with a roommate who could barely pay his half of the bills. It was a mess... We struggled so much and when I think back today my thoughts are not that we shouldn't have gotten married but that we should have been smarter about it.

 Being smart is sexy so use your head when it comes to getting married. Sit down and make a list, even if you are single right now make this list and keep it somewhere you will find it later. Maybe leave it with a parent who can hand it back to you when you get engaged. This list should have all the things on it that need to be done before you get married. I don't mean a list of fun things to do together I mean a TO DO/MUST HAVE list. A list that states what each of you must have before tying the knot. The list should look something like this....

 Must have and Do to get Married
Have a place to live (not with parents)
Both of us have a job
Make a financial plan and budget sheet
Pay off debts (both of us)
Have a 5-year plan
Read one book on Marriage together

Meet with a counselor or spiritual guidance person together

Anyway you get the idea...

These kind of things are important when you are going to get married.

You have your whole life to get married so make sure you do it right. I have always been a believer of marriage. My first marriage did not work out and after sitting down, and thinking about it I finally figured out what the biggest problem was for us. We got married to young. We both had a ton of growing up to do. I was only 18 and he was 22. I had just moved into my first apartment and he was fresh out of the army. As we grew up we changed. Unfortunately we changed into people that the other one was not compatible with, We tried to make it work and even went to counseling but after 14 years it was not meant to be, For a long time I was mad and hurt but it all worked out for the best. I am married to a wonderful man now who is completely compatible with me and makes me smile and laugh every day, 

Now this of course is just my situation and so please don't take this as me being bitter and judgemental. I am not and I also think that every situation, and every relationship is different.

I have a cousin who also got married at 18 and she has been married for 24 years. They have had some hard time but they still love each other very much. The only thing I noticed here is that they also struggled a lot in the beginning financially. Now I know some of you will say that "Money isn't everything, " and your right. It is not everything but it's still nice to have and goes a long way. 

One of the biggest problems that couples will face and fight about is money. If you can figure that out before you get married then you are a step ahead of the game. 

My brother is married to an amazing woman who is perfect for him. They met while he was in college and got married soon after he was done. Now my brother has an amazing job and is able to support them and their daughter. This makes it so my sister in law does not have to work, and she gets to stay home with their daughter, and be a full time mommy. I have seen how great this is for them and the relationship she has with her daughter because she can do this.  It is simply amazing. However I do believe that if my brother hadn't gone to college and did what he did then this would not be an option for them now. 

( this is a picture of my sister in law at my wedding shushing the kids, it always cracks me up)

I could go on and on about relationships and different couples I know, but I won't bore you. The question is Should YOU get married before your 20's? Well in my opinion I think you should be the judge of that. If you can check off the list you wrote and you have a good solid base to start with then yes go ahead. You will always take a risk when you get married no matter how old you are. You don't know for sure what the future will bring in any case. 
Will it last? 
There is no one saying it can't... Yes you will find bitter people who are just plain assholes who will tell you it won't last but my thought on that is they can kiss your ass!!! Negative people will just drag you down so do not let them...

Lots of love
Kaylee Shadows

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