Monday, August 22, 2016

When do you cross the line on being TOO comfortable in a relationship?


This question came to me on my anniversary with my husband. How comfortable is too comfortable? 



Now anyone who knows my husband and me they know that we love each other deeply and passionately, but also in a fun and playful way.  My brother often tells me that we make his heart smile, which is a great compliment for any couple. 

Anyway on our last anniversary we went away to a romantic hotel where we got a jacuzzi suite, and planned a few days of just us. It was very romantic, and tons of fun. Now I should tell you that my husband and I have many boundaries for ourselves in what we are comfortable with, such as we don't go into the bathroom when the other one is using it. That is my private time and no one wants to see that. However I know many couples who have no problem with going to the bathroom with the door open or in front of their love. We just happen to not be these people. 

It was the night of our anniversary dinner and we were getting ready to go out to a romantic dinner at a classy restaurant. I was in front of the mirror putting my makeup on and getting ready with all my girly stuff like perfume and deodorant, when I used my feminine spray because I believe women should always smell good everywhere, when I noticed the horrifying look on my husband face.

Curious I asked him " what is a matter?" 
He shrugged and was like " I have never seen you spray that part of yourself before." 
I could tell it really threw him. I explained that I think women should always smell good everywhere. He nodded at me but then it hit me I had never done anything like that in front of him before. 

It got me thinking about other couples I knew and the things they did in front of each other. I have many friends who have no problem doing stuff like passing gas in front of their partners or scratching themselves wherever, and tons of things I would be too embarrassed to do in front of my husband. Everyone is different and everyone comfortability is different.

However I think this maybe why some relationship lose that spark or desire. When you first meet your love you're on your best behavior. You don't want to embarrass yourself or have your new love disgusted by you. When the relationship start to progress you start to get very comfortable with each other, and it's an amazing feeling to have that security, love, and know you can be yourself with this person.

BUT!!!!!!!!

When does the comfortable become too comfortable. I think this all depends on the couple and the lines of communication. Your partner might find it gross that you clip your toenails in front of him, and you might be disgusted by the fact that he pops his zits in front of you. If this is the case then you need to tell each other in a nice way before you get mad and scream at them. You all know what I am talking about, those little things that are not a big deal, they are just a little irritating, that can turn into a fight if it never gets said. This is the time to say "Honey could you please not pop your zits in front of me." Trust me that is much better than screaming at him and telling him he is a disgusting person. 

If these kind of things don't get talked about then eventually you can start to lose your desire for the person you love and that is never good.

It reminds me of my first husband who I was with for 14 years. In the beginning it was all great and we gave each other privacy and by the middle of our relationship he was going to the bathroom in front of me, or breaking into the bathroom when I was in there, ( I always lock the door because it's my private time), and many other things I was completely grossed out by like passing gas and not saying excuse me, you  get the idea. However I never said anything to him about it because I didn't want to start a fight, so I lived with it.  Now we are not together anymore. I am not saying that is why but hmmm..... LOL

Anyway the next time you start to think of blowing your nose at the table or clipping your toenails next to your love, find out what they think of it first. It could help in the future...
Have a fabulous day and as always love each other!!!!

Lots of love

Kaylee Shadows

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